John's Vampire Advertisentures

Vampyre Confidential Galapagos Press Release

2006-10-31T16:58:00.000-08:00

It's nostalgia, I admit. But I want to post the old Vampyre Confidential press release I wrote up for the Galapagos show. Before we get the movie shot, I figured it would be nice to go back to the roots.

John out.

Check it out.

Movies. Glitter. Magic. Vampyre Confidential.

2006-10-29T19:54:00.000-08:00

We've got an auditions date now for the videos we'll be posting on the Vampyre Confidential website (www.vampyreconfidential.com). They'll be held this Wednesday the second of November, and we're looking forward to getting them shot, edited, and posted. I'll be doing the editing on my computer, which will be more than entertaining, I've always enjoyed it in the past, and it'll really expand what the site has to offer. Also, there are some new photographs on the website, with a new batch to come in a week or so, those are still on the rogue coven page. Stay posted, more to come.

The Three Musketeers

2006-10-14T21:40:00.000-07:00

So we now have three of our directors officially recruited. All are extrremely excited and very talented. We have Cara, our executive director, and her two cohorts, who are very talented women. Everyone will have their own MySpace profile soon linked to the Vampcon MySpace site. Also, we've got new photos up on the website, these additions being the photos Joe projected during the staged reading. We'll start shooting the videos as soon as we finish auditions, and stay posted for video on the website and YouTube. Dear reader.

The Holy War

2006-10-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the title is too controversial. But it's been said.
See, marketing terminology is somewhat unnerving. Everything is in military terminology. There are plans of attack, there are targets, campaigns of course...
Or maybe it's not exclusively military, because it's all really just violent on a linguistic level: when you're trying to get a potential target to see the world as you do--i.e., Product X is right for me--you're looking to "convert" them. Except, of course, that you might not necessarily think that about the product. Your job is simply to make them think it.

Try out the following quotes from the Sept. '06 issue of Target Marketing Magazine:
"Your audience may or may not include at least one mail screener, a decision-maker, and multiple influencers."
This is very scientific. And by that I mean totally archaic and informed by tired stereotypes.

Or my favorite on the simple absurdity index:
"Every company communicates with its customers differently. Take a step back and look at your organization. What customer touchpoints can you leverage for these efforts?"

All of this post, though, is a will-to-power-play in itself anyways. And is convincing others something we should find enjoyable?
Yes.
But you don't have to be an obfuscatory liar to do this job. You just have to know who might like what you've got and then tell them why you think so.

Like how subversive Vampyre Confidential is. And since you've read through those mildly politically dangerous deconstructions above, I think Vampyre Confidential would be right up your alley.

Vampyre Confidential.

With Special Guest Appearances

2006-10-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

We have entered another phase of the mission, and that is the internet phase.
Joining the team will be several NYU student film director/actress teams, all female. We're providing them with location, script, and of course guidance should they want it from Joe, who's a veteran camera operator. The goal, though, is really to have a group of talented young women put together their own films that will be linked together online. A small but burgeoning galaxy of creativity that can pull itself up by its bootstraps.
Then it's all about generating more popularity, (p.s. we're #'s 1-9 on Google now under "vampyre confidential." Including this blog.) so if you'd like to see John and the NYU women and Joe become huge internet phenomena, or even better, please write a letter to google asking them to make us #1 hit under the keywords "totally awesome internet site." Only snailmail counts, and you can address it to

Eric Schmidt, CEO, Google,
1600 Amphitheatre Parkway,
Mountain View, CA 94043.

Or just phone him at (650) 623-4000.

For bonus points, add some stickers or other evidence of your own personal flare. Every bit helps.

I'm serious, that's his contact info.

The show must go on.

2006-09-25T16:00:00.000-07:00

Not in the usual sense. The show went brilliantly! More that I was allowed no real downtime. P.S., that was my first ever Wikipedia entry. That's right, I wrote that one too.
So Joe and I had some tequila--Click this instead--on our way back from the show, and then we all hung out at Roy's place for a while before crashing.
And then I wrote my best review ever.
And Ben Lebeaux, former Arts editor for The Bates Student (who didn't pay their internet domain bill), would have been proud of my development.

Urban Earth Goddess

2006-09-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

BJ had a wonderful idea yesterday, that in my mind-numbing MySpace trolling for people in NYC who might go to the show, I increase my efficiency by targeting specific demographic segments of the population. Did I mention we have a MySpace profile now?
After working the urban earth goddess angle for a while on my computer, I got some fresh air and hit the pavement. I think it stopped being ironic after a certain amount of contrary layerings. I think.
My recent leveling-up of my con-artist skills helped me out as I convinced people to take postcards in their stores when they very often didn't have any others. The more unlikely it seemed, the more of an excuse I had to talk to them, and the more they were convinced they should go to the show. So by the end of the day, I'd made some pretty substantial progress in disbursing the five thousand postcards we bought, and seen a fair deal of the gorgeous NYU campus. On with the show indeed, Annie.

What is hip?

2006-09-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

Will iams burg.
Something wrong with the gravity. Swear there was a disunity people hunching their way down the street with outward-rotating knees or otherwisely slid far back into the bucket racing seat that was their potato-chip eating lives.
Odd fucking characters, couldn't determine I was appalled or incredibly amused by their insane pre-tension. Scenes like,
"Hi, I'm putting on a show this Friday in Williamsburg. I was wondering if I could put some postcards for the event in your store."
"So you want to put postcards in the store?"
"Yes."
"Well they go over there."
Pollicates a table wiith a lamp and pairs of socks on it.
"Oh, thanks."
I felt insulted. A regularTest-Mashad here. Then we smiled nicely at each other and I felt better about the whole scene.

Audacity

2006-09-15T15:20:00.000-07:00

So I went to Opie and Anthony's radio studio, which is apparently in Howard Stern's old studio. Crazy. Dropped off two posters rolled up widthwise with my award-winning press-release inside them, and the guy at the desk interrogated me:
"Hi, I'm looking for the Opie and Anthony studios."
"Okay, sign in."
"Okay."
"What's your name?"
"John Mulligan."
-Looks at screen-"Mmmm, no..."
-Pause-
"What's your name?"
"John Mulligan."
-Pause-
"No... Do you have anyone to call?"
"No...."
"Here, I'll give you a number to call."
"Okay."
And that's how I got the number to Opie and Anthony's studios.

Willie Lowman

2006-09-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

"Hi. My name is John and I want to put this poster of an impressionistic negative of a photo of a naked woman with a video camera in your store window. No? Oh... You sure? But I graduated with top honors at my college."

This is why I'm enjoying marketing: it's a totally self-abnegative act for someone so... ah... cocktail-party-sociability impaired as myself. If I keep pitching these posters to people for long enough, I could become alienated enough to finally enjoy an episode of Desperate Housewives. Or, potentially, to see god.

But it's all so much easier than I thought. the pitch, by the end, was more along the lines of:
"Hi. I'm John and I'm putting on a vampire fashion show this next Friday." - Eyes dart to poster in my hand, mouth opens - "It's at Galapagos. Ever heard of Galapagos? Your shop looks great, and I think it would be right up your alley." -Winningest smile- "Yes, I'd love to. Man, I'd love to act in your show."
I kid you not, this actually went down. That's right, Michael. I fucked the Blarney stone.