Willie Lowman

"Hi. My name is John and I want to put this poster of an impressionistic negative of a photo of a naked woman with a video camera in your store window. No? Oh... You sure? But I graduated with top honors at my college."

This is why I'm enjoying marketing: it's a totally self-abnegative act for someone so... ah... cocktail-party-sociability impaired as myself. If I keep pitching these posters to people for long enough, I could become alienated enough to finally enjoy an episode of Desperate Housewives. Or, potentially, to see god.

But it's all so much easier than I thought. the pitch, by the end, was more along the lines of:
"Hi. I'm John and I'm putting on a vampire fashion show this next Friday." - Eyes dart to poster in my hand, mouth opens - "It's at Galapagos. Ever heard of Galapagos? Your shop looks great, and I think it would be right up your alley." -Winningest smile- "Yes, I'd love to. Man, I'd love to act in your show."
I kid you not, this actually went down. That's right, Michael. I fucked the Blarney stone.